Rules of Sitting-Meditation (1): Preparing for a somersault

Gudo’s answer does not come. But life goes on.

My state this first thing this morning was one of emotional feeling, worry, suffering from imperfect understanding of who I am and what the nature of my vocation is. Translating Shobogenzo was a vocation -- no doubt about that. But since that process was halted 10 years ago, I have remained unsure about what kind of teacher I might be. Except that I am sure that I am not a monk of the Soto Sect -- no doubt about that either.

Sitting-meditation every morning is primarily an opportunity for the sitter to notice how the sitter is. This morning, again, I noticed emotional feeling, energy being wasted on deep-rooted worries about this and that.

The first decision to be made in sitting-meditation is the decision not to act on the desire to do something to make the situation feel better. Not to react. Not to do.

My emotional feeling, my superfluous worrying, is my raw material, my starting point, the weedy patch of ground under my feet. This is how I am.

The first decision, in preparing for a somersault, is not to do but to be. To let the ground be under the feet. To let be.